Throwing my life away on these fucking screens. Trying to jam my head full in fear of everything I won't know. Got to assume it was just the way I was raised. Because I've held secret to me this false sense of superiority my whole goddamn life I can only now know it's this false sense when I finally built up the courage to talk to others. Though I'm confident if you ask anyone who's even a little familiar, this smugness simply oozes out of my skin. Everytime I meet or read about someone actually talented, actually driven, actually kind, I am overcome by melancholy and impressive self-hatred. When you're alone its much harder to pass it over to the girl who cares about you. Crying is apart of being alone. Maybe I just shouldn't be alone but, When will that help me to see outside myself? When will that help me feel self-satisfaction that I can believe I've earned? Sunglasses on the porch so the housekeeper won't see me cry. Taking my talents to the ruling class. I miss drinking from youth. At least I gained the luxury of not rmemebeing those time, at least in any tangible way. I've run out of steam to be vulnerable for any second longer.